The Vow

Spoiler Alert: This blog is about the movie, " The Vow," and will give away plot points and ending.

This week I had the rare opportunity to go to a movie with some girls. We saw "The Vow." You know the story about the woman that hits her head in a car accident and wakes up and has amnesia? It could've been a really amazing love story. In fact, the beginning story of how they originally fall in love is really sweet, cute, and funny. They are that adorable couple that you love to hate because they are so madly in love. Kind of like me and Mark, right? :)

When Paige Collins (Rachel McAdams) wakes up from a coma she can only remember being engaged to her ex-fiance. She doesn't remember that she left law school for the Chicago Art Institute and she doesn't remember her sweet husband, Leo (Channing Tatum). At first he desperately tries to win her back. He recreates their first date, and she starts to respond to his friendship and love. But, ultimately, she just can't remember him. He eventually comes to a "if you love something, you should let it go" place, and he agrees to a divorce that his father-in-law is pushing on them.

The movie ends with her leaving law school (again) for the art institute and after about six months she finds the vows that they said at their wedding, and she meets him again at the restaurant they used to go to and tells him that she hears he is single. They go off arm and arm together, leaving the viewer with the hope that they fall in love all over.

To me, it was disappointing. Part of it was frustrating because you so loved the characters that you knew they should be together, and it was hard to watch them be apart. But more than that, it lacked the very thing I was hoping it would have: real commitment. Ironically, in the true story, the couple never divorced (although they did have a second wedding). Read the real story here.

It just had that Hollywood touch that ruined it for me. They couldn't show a couple that didn't "feel" love work towards it. Instead, the main character had to find herself first before she was ready to fall in love with her husband, and she couldn't do that while being married to him.

Our culture has placed so much value on self-discovery/self-actualization that it supersedes commitment and keeping your word to another person. It's always been all about me and my feelings and my life, never-mind the fact, that marriage is about two people coming together to share life.

It's not always 50/50 either. People will tell you that, but it's both people giving 100 percent. And sometimes your spouse may give 40 percent or 10 percent, and you still give your 100 percent. And you fight and you pray and you keep fighting and you keep praying because marriage is worth fighting for. And if you have to, you love when that person may not love you because that is what Jesus did for us.

And that is the true story of the real life Carpenter family who kept their vows even when it was hard. He loved his wife even when she didn't know him or love him back.

"Kim was of a similar mind. ‘I had made my vows to Krickitt and there was no way I would ever have abandoned her,’ he says fondly. ‘I knew the incredible woman she was before the accident and the woman she could be again. However angry she became, and however much we argued, I knew that I had to keep trying.’" (Link to Article)

And that's the kind of movie I had hoped to see. Now, I am not so naive to say that divorce is never an option. I've seen marriages where a spouse has cheated and refuses to repent and other really heartbreaking stories. And I'm also not saying that people should live together and be "married" but live separate lives for the sake of staying together.

But If we believe that this other person was created for our happiness, we will throw in the towel when we are unhappy. I believe that marriage is something that helps us become who we are meant to be in God, and lots of times that comes through conflict and hardship. A potter makes something beautiful by taking ordinary clay and molding it and making it and chipping away at the parts that are unlovely, and marriage serves this purpose in our life, chipping away at our selfishness and our pride.

The vows we make before God and our friends are serious. A promise is a promise, and if I ever forget who Mark is after suffering amnesia, I hope you'll hold me to it.

Husband of the Year Nomination

Markansas,

This year will mark the 7th year that we have known each other. Seven is, of course, the perfect number, and while our lives together haven't been perfect, they have been the best years so far. I've always thought that if people knew the kind of man that you are, I mean, if they really knew, they would try to steal you away. You have won husband of the year in '07, '08, '09, '10, '11 and you are a the front runner in 2012.

It's easy for me to see why the judges pick you.

In 2005 we fell in love even after you almost lost me when you dropped the "L bomb" after only 2 weeks of dating. You used to walk me to my morning classes on Tuesday and Thursdays even after you dropped out of your morning classes on those days and had to make a 15 min. drive to get to campus. I had so much fun falling in love, and I will always remember that semester as the epitome of love + college.

In 2006 you climbed the highest mountain in Arkansas, planted a green flag with a white egg, and drank a chocolate Yoohoo, all while proclaiming your love for me. That fall you proposed at the lake at sunset, and an otter swam by us, which, of course, was God's way of saying that we were "meant to be."

In the spring of 2007 you learned how to dance with me. That summer we perfected our dance which we performed at our wedding, a day I will never forget. You prayed for our future children that day, and I laughed, thinking that kids were so far down the road.

In 2008 we learned how to work "in the real world" and bought our first home together. You got to see the "Hardin Rage" come out when we played tennis, and you loved me despite me.

In 2009 we adopted our first little kitten and loved her so much that we named her "Maybe" because we couldn't decide if we we're going to keep her (and, let's be honest, the jury is still out). We thought you might lose your job, and we just held tighter to each other.

In 2010 you endured months of taking care of a pregnant/sick wife while transitioning into a new career. You once bought me eight california rolls and rented me Twilight in those weak, pregnantly moments. You supported me and "the creature" and spent hours thinking up things you would teach him, like getting him to talk in a British accent.

In 2011 you really went above and beyond the call of husbandly duty, sacrificing hours of sleep, so that I could rest. You encouraged and held me up when I was tired and discouraged. You prayed for me, loved me, and loved our son, our little "Lukesapotamus."

And while only a month and a few days have gone by in 2012, you have had to endure a lot of criticism for skipping out on weekly Poker Nights to spend time with your "controlling" wife. If only those guys could see the kind of husband that you are, the kind of love and support that you give this family.

Any man might take a bullet, giving his life for the woman he loves, but it takes a real man like you to give his life every day to serve and love his wife and son. To put us second only behind God and to shower us with time and love and fun.

I am proud to stand by you, to call you my husband. I love you more than I can put into words, and I will follow you to the ends of the earth and back.

Your loving and adoring wife,

Jenny

I try not to blag (brag + blog) very often, but Lindsey March gave me the perfect opportunity to share a love letter with the hubster while simultaneously enter a drawing for a $30 Visa Gift Card. You should link up with us too. Follow the link to see Lindsey's rules.

That IS a Crime

I got good feedback on "That's Not A Crime", a blog that I hoped to continue as a regular segment. However, my Sweet Honey Do Husband of Mine has not given me the stories that I require, so I give you this sister segment.

A business owner in Springdale was getting frustrated with repeated break-ins to his property. He informed a police officer that the PD should be alert for the booby traps that he'd placed around said property. These traps included a trip wire which would hurl you into a grease pit with the hopes that your fall would subsequently propel you into boards with nails sticking out of them.

The PD had to inform this business owner that, contrary to his belief, creating booby traps, was, in fact, a crime. In fact, it is actually a felony to do this in Arkansas.

So for all my blog readers, you have been informed. Please take down your booby traps and save yourself from a class D felony.

Also, kinda makes you rethink the whole Home Alone scenario. Little Kevin was a class D felon, and didn't serve a day in juvy. But that was back in the 90s. Now you'd never be able to get away with that. Oh, the good ole days.

2010 Arkansas Code

Title 5 - Criminal Offenses

Subtitle 6 - Offenses Against Public Health, Safety, Or Welfare

Chapter 73- Weapons

Subchapter 1 - Possesion and Use Generary

5-73-126 - Booby Traps

(a) It is unlawful for any person to install or maintain a booby trap upon his or her own property or any other person's property.

(b) As used in this section, "booby trap" means a device designed to cause death or serious physical injury to a person.

(c) Any person who pleads guilty or nolo contendere or who is found guilty of violating this section is guilty of a Class D felony.

Juxtaposed Jenny and the Huge Decision

Well, whether I like it or not, my baby is going to turn 1 in just over 3 months. I find myself thinking of party planning and gifts and all that goes with an all out first birthday party extravaganza, and I must say it is just a little bit overwhelming.

There are two sides of me that are battling it out. The one side of me, we'll call her "Cool Mom," wants to go all out and follow the trend of having a cool birthday for my one-year-old, complete with presents, Happy Birthday cut outs, personalized cake, pictures of Luke throughout the year, party favors, and, well, you get the picture.

But there's this other side. We'll call her the "Real Me," (but not the same Real Me that had to differentiate herself from the New Me Vampire that Mark thought I was) that says that not only am I incapable of throwing together a successful baby soiree but that it is completely impractical too.

This cute little baby will be one-year-old. That is 366 days old (leap year, guys - I'm not a dummy). He literally just stepped foot on this planet like yesterday. He will have no idea why people are in his house or why they are singing or why there are pictures of him and cake and dancers (yes, belly dancers - Mark's recruiting from the PD).

I have no doubt he will like the cake and perhaps the singing and probably not the belly dancers. In fact, just decided to scratch that - I think that one was Mark's idea, and really it's a dumb idea, sweetheart sugar muffin (which is what I call him when no one is around and oopsie shared on the blog).

Back to Luke. This baby, who I might brag on for a bit, can sign "all done" and says "bye" like a champ. He chugs milk like it's nothing and won the 2011 International Crawling Championship. He deserves a party. I can't argue with him on that, but here's my problem. I am cheap.

I don't buy clothes unless I have a gift card. Eating out is a luxury. Luke wears hand-me-downs and clothes given to him by his grandparents. I just don't believe in buying new things until the old things have died. My cell phone still says, "Alltel" which means it is a relic of a phone. I was mad at myself for buying fast food at Wendy's today because it was $13, which could have bought bread, cheese, meat, which would've lasted for a few days. But we bought one meal and the money was gone, and I've got buyer's remorse that will last at least until tomorrow.

I've always been a saver, and I used to hide my money in a round pink tin with bears on it that said "Roberta" on the side. I don't think my parents saw the "Roberta" on there because it blended in with the other colors of the tin. Maybe it was "Robearta" and that was the name of the bear? It's not important.

So the idea of throwing down more than say $25 on a party that my son won't remember is just killing me. The cake itself (if I want it to be cute) will take at least $10 of that. And I want to give him a couple of gifts, which is ridiculous too. Ridiculous because he won't care, won't thank me, and they could very well end up in the closet in the not too distant future. How many of you have your presents from your first birthday?

But I can't help myself. I want to get him at least two gifts, and they have to be thoughtful. I don't really like stuff for stuff's sake. One is the book, "You are Special", by Max Lucado which is a book I think every child should have. And I realize it is not an age appropriate gift, but I love the message of the book, which is blog-worthy in itself and which I will refrain from going into right now. I think I can get it for like $7.

Which takes my hypothetical $25 budget down to $8 (don't forget the $10 cake), so I shouldn't even be contemplating the other gift that I want to get him. Luke owns probably 10 stuffed animals. They are cute and fluffy, and yet I find myself making multiple searches of this little guy from Jellycat. And, I wonder if he is really as cute as I think he is, and I wonder if he could become Luke's favorite stuffed dog like my favorite little stuffed dog, "Trusty Dead" (another blog).

And then I think that maybe that would just be me pushing my love for dogs onto my son when he clearly has a preference for cats. I kid you not, he reached for Maybe before he ever reached for me or Mark (proof below).

Plus, you want to know how much Jellycat Hound Medium 12" costs? Twenty-four dollars! BAM. Hypothetical budget blown. I just can't get myself to push the "add to cart" button.

So while I see other people's awesome blow out celebrations for their babies, I just don't know that "Real Me" can ever be "Cool Mom" even though she wants to be. I might have to send letters of support to fund Luke's first birthday. Do you think the church would pass a collection plate so that I could get Luke's cake at Rick's?

So, while the two sides of me war it out, I'd love to have some feedback - about the dog, the belly dancers, the party, the decorations, whatever. Throw it at me. My sweetheart sugar muffin is coming home, and it is time to wrap this up like a birthday present, which in my case would probably involve using the newspaper comics instead of real wrapping paper.

Luke Shiloh

On Jan. 6th. I saw the following comment on my blog...

"Hi Jenny! I googled the name Luke Shiloh, wondering if anyone else had chosen the name. I was excited to see you are pro-life. In the past couple weeks, I've named my son Luke Shiloh, who was aborted at 6 weeks gestation on February 6, 2009. Check out my blog to read my testimony of what God has done in my life and how He has healed and redeemed...You can read about all this on my blog if you'd like: www.roseandherlily.blogspot.com Blessings to you in the new year!"

Let me start by saying that sometimes I have a hard time being serious when I write. Perhaps you can tell that from the majority of my posts. I'd rather not talk about politics or write about anything too controversial. The most negative feedback I've ever received was when I posted about how I hated Avatar. Who knew that a movie about dragons in a make believe world could stir people up so much?

And it seems like it's the silliest thing that make people mad, but on really important issues people remain (for the large part) silent. I knew that I was stepping outside of my blog box when I wrote about abortion a few weeks ago. To be honest, I didn't want to write about it. It's not that I don't have strong beliefs about the issue. I do. It's just that I hate writing about something that hasn't affected me personally. Because I realize when it comes right down to it, that I haven't been in the shoes of a woman who has felt the need to have an abortion.

I realize that I'm white, went to a prep school, had everything provided for me, etc. So, I stayed on the surface, not wanting to alienate anyone who might be reading my blog and thinking to themselves, "she's never walked in my shoes or been in my situation."

And then I read Hannah's blog www.roseandherlily.blogspot.com. Hannah was raised in a Christian, pro-life home, just like me. When she got pregnant in 2009, she worried about what her family would think. "In a pro-life family, it was always easy to agree with these beliefs, never thinking that I would be tested by them," she said.

But at a vulnerable time her life, she felt she had no other choice. She was told that she might experience initial sadness, but that she should seek help if it lasted more than a couple of days. For Hannah, the days after her abortion were the darkest days of her life, but God rescued her from the darkness and brought her into the light in a miraculous way.

That's one of the reasons she decided to name her son Luke Shiloh. Luke means "light" and Shiloh means "peace." How neat that our sons share the same name.

That is only half the story, and I can't do it justice. Please read it for yourself.

Read Hannah's testimony and how God redeemed her, healed her and brought what was once in darkness into the light.

Read about how Hannah's chose life for her next child, Lily, only to find out that Lily didn't have a heartbeat the day of her delivery.

Read about how she has honored both of her children's memories.

Read about how she went back to Planned Parenthood to get her sonogram images of Luke Shiloh and share part of her story with the woman who was there when she got the abortion.

Read about how she chose the name Luke Shiloh.

I am so thankful for this new dear blog friend and her willingness to share her story. What an amazing testimony of God's goodness and grace.

My Not So Successful Photo Shoot

I realize it's cold outside now, but on Sunday the weather was warm. In fact, it was perfect for a little walk. I strolled Luke down to the park and saw that the sun was beginning to set. It was really pretty, and I thought, "I wish I had my camera."

Well, our house is just up the street from the park, so I decided to jog up to the house and grab my camera and a change of clothes for Luke (since what he was wearing wasn't that

cute).

I got back to the park and the sun still hadn't set, so I grabbed the clothes out from under the stroller only to discover that the shirt I picked out was not there. Not to be discouraged, I jogged back up to the house to get his shirt, which had fallen onto the floor of the kitchen.

We jogged back to the park, and still the sun had not set. Whew.

I proceeded to change Luke's clothes. Yes, in hindsight I could have changed them at the house, but, regardless, I changed them there. Luke, who loves being as naked as he can be, started smiling immediately. So I grabbed the camera to get some pics of him in his little khaki pants before I put his shirt back on.

As I was taking some pictures of him I noticed a car pull into the parking lot and the driver and passenger looked over at us and then drove on. I didn't think anything of it until a couple of minutes later when the car pulled back in the parking lot and drove slowly past me again. At this time, I felt awkward. Did they think I was a creeper? Did they think it was too cold for a baby to be out in the middle of a field without his shirt on? Feeling judged, I quickly put Luke's long sleeved blue polo t-shirt on him and resumed the photo shoot. Luke proceeded to roll off his blanket and stuff his face with grass. I continued taking pictures and stopped after every couple of pictures to remove grass from his mouth. I figured it was just grass and it couldn't really hurt him. Plus, he kind of looked like a country boy chewing on it. I deemed it "cute" and tried not to be an overprotective first time mom, refusing to worry about germs or choking.

That is until Luke started choking...on the grass. At first I thought it was just going to be a one cough and done scenario. But, his eyes got wide and his cough lost sound. FYI - the picture of him coughing was before I realized he was actually choking.

Right after this picture, he spewed up a bunch of milk all over my shirt. I never did see the grass.

The last picture was accidentally taken as I was swinging him up to turn him over and hit his back. My heart stood still for those few seconds between the silent cough, and I couldn't have been happier to wear the contents of his stomach.

And that was my not so successful photo shoot...

But on a happier note, God wrote my initials on my soft taco.

Loving Choices Banquet

Claire Culwell always knew she was adopted, and when she was 20-years-old she she decided she would try and find her birth mother. She called the adoption agency, and gave her name and asked if they would get in touch with her birth mother to see if her birth mother would meet with her.

She met her birth mom a few months later. At the meeting, Claire gave her birth mother a ring. She told her that she was so thankful that she had chosen to give her life. Her birth mom broke down crying and proceeded to tell Claire her story.

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She conceived Claire when she was 12-years-old. She told her mother that she was pregnant, and her mom took her to the abortion clinic. She was 5 months pregnant when she got an abortion. However, after a month she realized that she was still pregnant. She went back to the abortion clinic. They told her that they had successfully aborted one baby, but that she had been pregnant with twins and was still pregnant with one of them. They told her that she was too far along to do an abortion at their clinic, but recommended another clinic that did abortions at 6 months or later.

Her parents drove through the night to get her to the other abortion clinic, but when the doctor saw her, he told her he couldn't do an abortion. After the first abortion her amniotic sac had ruptured, and it would put her in danger to do anything and that the baby was almost ready to be born.

She gave birth to a baby girl that week.

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Claire was 3 lbs. when she was born. Because of the abortion to her twin, she had clubbed feet and dislocated hips. She was in the hospital for 3 months.

Her adopted parents weren't anticipating adopting a baby who needed multiple and expensive surgeries, but they prayed about it and felt like God was calling them to adopt her. She was in body casts for two years, but she is now a healthy, young girl.

Claire told her story last night at the Loving Choices Banquet. It was incredible and such a needed reminder that life is sacred.

Did you know that 40 percent of all African Americans pregnancies end in induced abortions?

The following is from toomanyaborted.com

This isn’t black versus white or me versus you. It’s the truth versus the lie. The truth is that abortion kills an innocent human life. It’s easier to speak in euphemisms, but the miracle of life is threatened every day by an unrelenting false ideology that teaches our society that a woman’s very biology is a threat to her. This Birth Control Movement turned Abortion-on-Demand propaganda was a product, in large part, of Margaret Sanger, founder of Planned Parenthood and an elite American (married to oil tycoon Noah Slee). The perpetuation of the lie of ‘Reproductive Freedom’ has been championed, in particular, by America’s elite (of any race). It was an elitist mentality that forged the pseudoscience of eugenics, that drove America’s race-based segregationist Jim Crow laws, discriminatory immigration policy (i.e. Immigration Act of 1924) and was the bedrock of the Birth Control now-turned Abortion Industry. According to Planned Parenthood’s founder, Margaret Sanger, “we are paying for…an ever increasing, unceasingly spawning class of human beings who never should have been born at all.”² Her eugenic Birth Control philosophy, to prevent the ‘unfit’, ‘feeble-minded’, ‘poor’ or ‘unwanted’, would have eliminated Abraham Lincoln, George Washington Carver, Rosa Parks, Ben Carson, and Oprah Winfrey…just to name a few. Today, abortion kills more African-Americans, per year, than heart disease, cancer, respiratory disease, accidents, homicides, suicide, and cancer–combined.³ Abortions in the black community occur at 3x the rate of those among the white population and 2x that of all other races combined.⁴ The truth screams loud and clear–we are killing our very future.

Though I'm only scratching the surface on this issue it's definitely got me thinking. What I liked about Loving Choices was that they do not condemn young women who are pregnant or have gotten an abortion. They offer support. They counsel young women throughout their pregnancy and they offer parenting classes and help them get diapers and car seats and formula. They offer free ultrasounds. They offer life.